5 Things that Would Fit in a Gun Safe

Sure, you’ve heard of gun safes, but perhaps you’ve never thought about what else could go into that bulletproof, fireproof, burglar-proof metal box. In case you’re thinking of buying a gun safe but weren’t quite sure what you would want to put into it, I have made a quick and convenient list for you:


If you are worried about some of your precious stone earrings getting stolen from your bedside table in the middle of the night, you might want to consider locking up your jewelry in a gun safe. Sure, it might be a bit of a hassle to get it back out again, but at least you know it’s safe at all times from everything anything could throw at it!

Flower Bulbs

Ever wanted to keep your bulbs in a dark room over the winter so you can plant them next year? Now you can put them in a fireproof gun safe! That way, even if your house burns down, you will still be able to plant your flowering bulbs in your ash-ridden backyard.


Now that the headphone technology has gotten so advanced, you could seriously spend hundreds of dollars just on one set of them alone! That doesn’t even include the MP3 player or anything! If you’re worried about protecting your ridiculously overpriced investment, never fear!

You can put your newly purchased valuable in your new gun safe, which probably cost you half as much as your fancy headphones. That way no stray cats will come and chew through your $400 headphone cord while you’re not paying attention.

Your Limited-Edition Star Wars Action Figures

All right, all right, just admit you have them. Now that I’m through with laughing at you for having incredibly expensive dolls, I’ll tell you that there’s a way to keep them safe and hidden from that blonde you’ve been trying to seduce even though she just recently got a restraining order against you on account of your nerdy laughter alone.

But, when it comes time to *gasp* sell your overly hyped toys, they will be just as perfect as the day you first dusted them with a special action figure duster pen.

Your Mom’s Handmade Christmas Sweaters

We have all got them, and we nonchalantly stuff them deep, deep down in our closets somewhere hoping that some of the mold that has been growing on that 3-year-old baked potato that is also in your closet will render that sweater just as unwearable as it is unbearable to look at without puking.

But, instead of praying that some accidental, yet malicious, damage come upon your poor, helpless sweater, you could always put it in your gun safe so, twenty years down the road, you can show your mother what a good person you are for still having that old sweater she gave you in such pristine shape.


I guess, if you want to be traditional, you could actually put some guns into your gun safe. That makes sense, I suppose. It’ll keep those dangerous guns away from your children and pets in case they decide to go on a shooting spree, and that’s good.

Of course, if you actually did need your guns when a burglar comes in and threatens your family in the living room, it’s too bad that you’re going to have to go all the way to the basement, try to remember the combination, and fumble with the locking and re-locking mechanisms before you’re ready to face the big baddie.

Hmm… whose idea was that again? Who knows? They’re probably making bank off people who buy gun safes.

By Kassandra Konecny


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